A House Divided, Part 2

As you will recall from our last thrilling episode, I had commenced the process of having new flooring installed in several rooms of our house. I had managed to acquire the help of a couple members of the Luther College wrestling team to help move four enormous pieces of furniture from the living room and begged the carpet layer to come out to our house and finish his work before the wrestlers left town for regional and national activities. The carpet layer said that he thought his work could be done before the grapplers left town. But would he? Were those long breaks of his dooming my chances at restoring our household? We return now to the conclusion of this riveting episode.

I knew that I was in trouble when he showed up late again.

The first thing that he said to me was that he had been trying to reach his brother, who sometimes helped him on jobs. So far, after three days, he had been unsuccessful in reaching him. His brother was the “ace in the hole” to make sure that our furniture would be moved back into place in case the wrestlers were not available. I had no reason to doubt the loving relationship between the two brothers, but felt great skepticism about this as a source of necessary manpower. I went into the weight room to begin lifting pumping iron. I could see that I might be pressed into service.

Meanwhile, I faced the odyssey of installing those new closet systems. I hesitate here to jump prematurely from one crisis to the next, but those six cartons had not yet even been opened, and I knew that sorting out six cartons of parts and hardware could be daunting. I was right.

The six cartons represented three separate “kits” for assembly and installation. Unfortunately, they were cartoned without separation of the components, requiring the buyer to completely uncrate everything and then try to figure out which parts went with which kit. They did include an instruction/ parts list, which was helpful for reference. They also included two addition instruction/parts lists that had nothing to do with my installation, which was not helpful. I required parts of two days to work on this real-life puzzle.

I guess that I should have felt grateful that there were only three major parts missing from the conglomeration. When I called the provider they were gracious and sympathetic about my missing parts. I could tell that this had not been the first time they had received a missing parts complaint- they had a process list of things that would need to be done to send the missing clothes rods. It was the last item on their list that left me scratching my head.

“Please take a photo of the missing parts,” they suggested. I went quiet for a moment before asking the obvious. “How can I take a photo of something that isn’t here?” I wanted to know, thinking that maybe some new technology like AI could create a useful likeness. The customer service agent laughed (thank goodness) and agreed that such a picture might be hard to do. Instead, he suggested that I take a photo of all the other items and send it to them via e-mail. I was not to be satisfied. “How does that help you to verify that the parts are missing?” I wanted to know. “If I was attempting to obtain three extra clothes rods for free, all I’d have to do is take a photo without them in the picture.” He agreed but reiterated the requirement. By now, my confidence in ever being able to complete this project had seriously weakened.

I had sufficiently prostrated myself before the agent so that he happily said that he would have to refer me to the manufacturer of the kits; I think he might have been delighted to be rid of me. Armed with an order number and the proper contact information, I called the manufacturing people who acknowledged that I should have received the three missing rods. So far, we were in complete agreement. They promised to sent the rods in three days and they did. I felt unbelievably encouraged!

My skills at home maintenance being as limited as they are, I took my time reading and re-reading the instructions so that I knew exactly what was to be done next and why. My work progressed, albeit at a pace that might have rendered a true carpenter asleep. I felt great pride as the edifice was erected, even sneaking into the walk-in before bed at night just to marvel at my accomplishment thus far. It was on one of those nocturnal viewings that I noticed I would not have enough shelf panels to fully close the top of each unit. On the morrow, I was back on the phone with the manufacturer.

“Now I’m missing three panels,” I explained. “I don’t have enough to close off the tops of the units.” It was at this point that my true ineptitude came into full, public view. “Use the fifth shelf as the top enclosure,” the patient man explained with, I’m sure, a pained expression on his face. “You have everything you need.” The lightbulb went on, but not without significant embarrassment.

You will not be surprised to learn that when I discovered at the end of the project that I was really missing one panel, I elected not to call. I had suffered enough humiliation and begging. The last panel wasn’t important, or at least in that moment. As far as I was concerned the entire dang project had been completed.

All that remained in this home improvement scheme was to move all of the furniture back into the living room and bedroom. I did it, with the exception of those four enormous living room pieces. There were two wrestlers still in town, so we took advantage of them. It’s now two weeks later and I’m still putting things back into their proper places in the house. That may continue for some time yet. It has been so long since the project began that I just can’t remember where everything goes….

Part 2 Addendum Added 3-23-24:

One third of the wall unit tumbled down today, gently throwing some of my clothes onto a heap underneath clothing rods and two shelves. I was bemused upon the discovery, recognizing once again that pretty much any home handiwork I undertake turns to mush sooner or later. I went back and reviewed the instructions to discover that I was vindicated by the unclear directions offered for one step. It gave me little solace but some exoneration for the collapse. The fix proved to be an easy one, at least until it crashes down again….